PrettyThin

I was not feeling very well this morning and new that I needed to eat something so i tried water melon and that didn't help so i tried a slice of toast and I was going to leave it at that. about 20 min later my dad wants to go get subway and i got a 6in veggie delight and then got a starbucks coffee frappuccino.. my body is regecting this and I'll just say its not coming back out of my mouth.. sorry that was too much information.. but does this happen to any one else? I feel like it has been happening to me a lot even if i just eat a ton of fruit or veggies my body acts as a natural laxative within about 30 mins and it will be sometimes 2-3 times after I have recently eaten. it typically doesn't happen if I stay under 200 calories and thats only fruit or veggies but anything else, my body does not agree with. I wonder if my body is absorbing all the calories if its coming out so fast.. hmmmm

I eat under 500 calories everyday except sunday i eat 1,500 bc i need the energy to get through another week of dance classes and Excercising. Is this the reason why im not losing weight? please help

here on Pretty Thin I've found alot of girls saying thier FAT, thier screen names are something along the lines of "fatty, big. blub" and they rant about how they are so "Fat".

Well, Did you know the universe listens to you, the negativity you put out comes to you. It hears your fat so its going to make ou fat not help you lose weight what so ever.

ALL POSITIVE:

TELL THE UNIVERSE YOUR SKIINNY

TELL THE UNIVERS YOU LOSING WEIGHT

YOU WILL!

when i was negative i didnt lose anything, but when i was positive and loved how i was dropping weight saying i was skinny everyday taking pics of myself on facebook i lost weight! ALOT got in the 70's. But then When i recovered and was 130 I started saying things like I'm fat, fatty, blubber, and I didnt lose weight.. I stayed and even gained. So i stopped saying those after watching "The secret" and started saying i was skinny. Right now im 105 and imma keep on trucking being POSITIVE IT WORKS..Negativity just bites you in the ass.

Hi people.

I don't know what to do.

I've been suffering from bulimia on and off since I was 16. I am 20 now.

I go through phases. Sometimes I spend several months - once even almost for a year - where Mia doesn't bother me. Then a period of stress comes - either social/relationship stress, exam and university stuff, tiredness, PMS that hits extra hard - and she rears her ugly head again.

Where do i go? What do I DO? I don't know how to stop doing this. I want to be slim, not skinny, just a normal weight. I am 5'4 and weight 71kg. I used to be around 58-60kg and I'd like to reach that again. I'm tired of my weight fluctuating. I'm tired of feeling out of control. I'm just sick and tired, period.

I'm kind of lonely too. I don't have anyone to speak to about this..mostly cos I'm really ashamed of it. People don't GET it. They don't get how HARD it is.

I'm on meds too. Antipsychotics.

I used to be a cutter. I was hospitalised once, when I was 19, because I attempted suicide.

That seemed so long ago. And in these past two weeks, Mia, my old ghost,  has come back. And I don't know what she wants.

(A voice tells me she wants blood, she wants life.)

But I refuse to give up mine.

Send me a message if anyone wants to talk... I like meeting new people. I promise I'm not as weird as I sound :)!!!

I send lots of love to all you xXx

will I post the obviouse truth be told, This is litteraly my first day in this community, and the reason I joined was well to simply learn how to cope with myself, perhaps to feel as if I wasn't the only one who had this strange disorder I love to call Anna, That's atleast what I refer to it to my parents, I tell them Anna is a friend of mine who is the only one who seems to understand my strange emotions towards myself. My parents believe it is really a person, they seem to hate her ,but that is the only way i can find peace with myself. I joined because maybe I can realize im not alone in being me............ I sometimes struggle to face the miror every once in a while, I can't even get up in the morning without the need to cry, or break the miror, whenever i see my reflection............ I'm not sure what im searching for, I want to be able to look at myself in the miror and be satisfied with what i see or to simply feel complete which is kind off ironic due to the fact that I get rid of all the fat to feel this. Perhaps I need someones help to hide , my diets from my parents .........so that i dont have the need to cry when i wake up to realize that i gained a pound ,I dont want to view this as a disorder, as if something were wrong with me, because i already can see so many of my physical deffects that a mental one is simply not in my future right now. Besides what could be so wrong and simply wishing so desperately to be beautiful ? there is no wrong in wishing ..................i simply want to be seen , and i havent told anyone, some people worry about me, but i came here simply wanting people to stop judging me for who I am, and telling me something is desperately wrong with you.......... i see it as ...........the doctor hasn't named any seriouse health problems= to no near death problems ahead= nothing is wrong with me 

JUST KILL ME NOW!!! First of all, I'm now writing this rant AGAIN because apparently there's some "error." Anyway, some of you may know that I suffer from Asperger's and anxiety. It makes dealing with life's imperfections a lot harder than it needs to be. Yesterday in 1st period, my theatre arts class, we were taking apart the set for a play we did last Friday and Saturday. I was helping out until my nose started running (I've been really sick) and EVERYONE thought I was faking it to get outta working. One girl even had the nerve to say "If you're so sick you should've just stayedd home." I was already depressed and that was just the final nail in the coffin. She probably didn't mean any harm by it, but it was enough to make me run right off the campus as soon as the bell rang to go to second period. So I ran all the way home and nearly passed out from exhaustion. This is not the first time I've done this in my high school life so my parents certainly weren't surprised when they found me in the downtown area between school and home. I was supposed to perform at the Tri-M induction ceremony last night and because I only went to one class, according to school rules I wasn't allowed to attend. I had been so excited about this performace. Now I don't know what everyone's gonna say when I'm back in school. I had another panic attack this morning and had to stay home. I'm totally messing up my life and future here. 2 WEEKS LEFT OF SCHOOL AND I CAN'T EVEN GET MYSELF OUTTA THE HOUSE! My mom is just done with me. She says she just can't continue with the roller coaster. I don't blame her. I feel so lost. I wish I were dead. Not to mention anorexia is really starting to rule my life. But I want it to. I wan it to kill me because I just hate myself enough to feel that I deserve to die slowly. I feel like if I were sickly and bony then ppl would feel bad for the times they mistreated me. I want to binge and starve at the same time, even though I know that's impossible. My friends all think I'm the happiest girl in the world and that I have a "voice from heaven." They don't know what I'm really like because I never let them see. So PLEASE ANOREXIA, KILL ME! JUST HURRY UP AND KILL ME! LET ME DIE BEAUTFULLY AND LET ME DIE NOW!!!

I used to cut myself about every single time I ever ate anything. And it was great, it became initative and I ate less. That was the fall and winter. But now its spring, almost summer and please explain where a person could cut themselves that wouldn't be obvious in a swimsuit. I used to cut my hips, I still have scars, but that is like impossible now. It sucks, curse you skimpy swimsuits...

I'm an old member I guess, I've been at this whole eating disorder thing for three years (or my whole life depending how technical you're going to be about it) and I just need to rant because I need to get this off my chest

I'm stuck.

I'm 16. I'm "recovering". I'm fat. I'm exhausted by myself and my life and my fucking disorder that is seemingly always picking away at my brain, and I'm stuck. I can't breathe anymore, I can't think, I can't concentrate. I eat and eat and eat because I'm terrified of what I'll do if I give up recovering even for a moment. I don't trust myself. I need to eat healthy food but bread is considered junk food, bananas are junk food, organic no sugar no salt low fat whatfuckingever things are junk food and I can't eat the randomest things except I do, most of the time, and I hate myself but I do. Does this mean I'm still sick? Does checking my bones compulsively before I eat anything mean I'm still sick? If I weigh myself and I'm on my period and I've gained three pounds of bloat and somehow i'm suddenly 123   is it disodered to cry and vow not to eat for the day? Do other people's relfections stretch and grow and distort in the glass?

God, I don't know. I'm happy sometimes. i'm miserable all the time. I want to eat but I don't want to eat but I do want to eat and I NEED TO EAT. and not throw up. I can't throw up. Fuck, the urge to throw up is always there. It hurts not to. My stomach and skin and index fingers are itchy for it but I haven't let myself in almost a year so that's good I guess. It's a good thing. It's good. Yes. Argh.

I need to lose five pounds/thirty pounds/gain to 130/waste away to nothing. I'll be something. I'll lose myself. 

Also I need to somehow remain a good girlfriend/student/daughter/potential employee (it's almost June and I don't have a job yet, dear god what will i do) and not relapse into ANY BAD HABIT EVER (drinking/cutting/starving/purging. I binge every fucking day so that doesn't count anymore ) and smile and find the energy to speak and not die and not become catatonic from tiredness and stress. And I need to eat. 

I eat so much it's not even funny or attention seeking or worthy of feeling like I ever had a problem. It's just ridiculous. I'M SO FAT.

I'm stuck.

I am not afraid to die, I think it's my end,

My eating disorder too, death with my forever friend,

By my side, destroying my life,

Urging my warped mind, to live for the knife.

No more no more, i'm on my knees,

Begging for mercy, of description please.

I can't fight, i'm waiting here to die,

No questions, or even wondering why?

I need death, i can't fight anymore.

Not a sudden death. I want to research this, what would work. What would be instant.

To ensure nobody found me. When to do this?

When is least disruptive for my family?

Sorry, i'm not strong anymore.

I'm broken, i'm damaged, and i'm weak.

I'm sorry.

song: skin and bones artist: marianas trench

i lock the door turn all the water on and bury that sound so no one hears anything anymore

mirror lie to me tell me you can see maybe you wont be able to recognise me now

i know you can feel all the things you steal and your taking it, your taking it

feeling so easy make me skin and bones im always on my knees for you

break like its even when your faking it then where have you been

well sometimes it burnes maybe ill wash it out

it all looks so big never mind i dont feel anything

it only hurt a bit i still feel like shit and i think you wont be able to recognise me now

its easier to quit its harder to admid your pushing me, your f***ing pushing me

feeling so easy make me skin and bones im always on my knees for you

break like its even when your faking it then where have you been

couse you always win and you all.........

laughing like it works breathing like it doesnt hurt

knock you off your feet even if you need me

tear you apart hate how i need you

feeling so easy make me skin and bone im always on my knees for you

break like its even when your leaving it

too f***ing easy make me skin and bones im always on my knees for you

break like its even when your leaving it then where have you been

you always win,and you all..........., all......

i will brun all this

i will brun all this

i will burn all this

i will burn all this

i will burn all this

i will burn all this

i will burn all this

i will burn all this

i will burn all this

God Im such a fucking fat ass. I thought the meds I was taking were beiging to help a bit but I was wrong.. Maybe I'm just pissed off and upset anddd depressed because I'm a FAT ASS.  I want to cut it all off, its hanging everywhere. I cannot take this anymore. Why is everyone thinner than me, and beautiful, and skinnier, and not god damn fucking fat like me.

Fuck you for making me work at your house, I didnt want to. I wanted to just stay home, inside 24/7 and never leave my room..and not eat like usual. But nooo I had to go to your fucking house where you talk shit about people and complain non stop and I dont want to hear it. I just want to scream in your face, leave me alone, I dont want you or your money. 

I WANT TO BE ALONE to starve, cut, drink, smoke and repeat.

I have a burning desire to slit my throat right now...

Today is Mother's Day and also my mom's birthday. It's such a bitter sweet holiday to me. My mom is far from me and even if she was close it just doesn't feel like it should. I love her but I'm still not happy with the things she's done and continues to do. She makes me so confused. Besides today being Mother's Day, Jon (my ex) hasn't talked to me.. I sent him a text last night while I was a bit buzzed, explaining how I'm always here for him and how the break-up has been hard on me but that I'll get through it.. yadda yadda. No reply, nothing at all. Figured, he pretty much ignored me yesterday too. Day by day, it'll get better I keep telling myself. I just feel so alone, I feel like I'm falling apart all over again. I'm pretty sure I lost more weight, I don't even bother weighing myself. It's never enough anyway. My dad is starting to notice that I'm barely eating. I broke down today, depression is hitting me. I'm thankful for what I do have and I know others go through worse but everything is seriously breaking me right now. I feel so lost..

i feel icky. I have a period now, after 5 years of being skinny it came. I have no idea why i gained the weight. I had not changed my eating. I went from 77 to 120 in the past two years for no reason. no FUCKING reason. Im trying to get back down to 77. I think im like 104 now i havent gotten on the scale yet bc im on my period.

I live in Las vegas with my boyfriend of a year and a half. I met him when i was away at ballet school on the east coast. he was a "town rat" the ballet school kids arent allowed to talk to them but i did. 3 days later he moved into my apartment with me and then 3 months later we ran away to vegas. I'm a raver kid, so drugs help me lose weight. I'm trying so hard to have a career in dance here but people make comments about my body. My stomach is too bloated from years of starving, i either gain or lose weight and people think its okay to say comments about it

"Oh i like the new weight you've gained" I HATE THAT, i have not tried to gain weight. By saying that you made me go home cut myself and take ab unch of pills you asswhole.

this is the start of my enteries.

What started my anorexia was my dad getting sick when i was 16 and dieing from cancer. I went from 130 to 77. I hate the weight Im at right now and sometimes i feel like its my dad making me fat bc he doesnt want me to be sickly thin anymore.

when he was on earth he hated how i counted calories and had to go to rehab. I never healed and am stilll going strong, i love and miss my dad but i wish he wouldnt make it impossible to lose weight, im excercising and eating 450 calories a day for no reason.

The week after he died i had recovered a bit and was 89 but i went away to ballet camp bc thats what my family felt was best for me and dropped down to 82. When i came back I moved to the City and partied hard. Took drugs and raved.

Finally i made it to ballet boarding school but bought my own apartment, no one liked me there bc I was the only student with her own apartment and had parties with the "town rats" i even sold XTC to some of the dancers. I left after a year with my boyfriend. I had no energy to dance 8 hours a day bc i was restricting but I was binging too much there bc of all the stress so it made me fat.

On sundays i let myself eat 1,500 caloires. I used to binge on sundays when i was anorexic but i think thats what made me gain weight. I eat alot on sunday bc i work out so much, and I dance so much during the week i need and energy boost.

Right now my mum lives in arizona and is dating a materialistic man whore, My closest cousin is addicted to heroin i cry about hiim alot, my best friend is having a baby, My auants dating a married man, I live in a trashed studio apartment infested with cock roaches everywhere, and make money by being webcam model. I still go to dance everyday and go to auditions all the time, my dad wanted me to become a professional dancer. But it looks like things arent going the way i promised him before he died.

i haven't blogged on here in what seems like forever.

i thought when i stopped blogging for a while i'd slowly lose the desire to blog, but its bigger now than ever, i need pretty thin again, and that's scary.

i had my tonsils out on tuesday, and since then i've managed about a mouthful of spaghetti, a bite of a muffin and a few glasses of milk it's actually amazing, i've lost half a stone in 4 days?! 

didn't even like milk till 4 days ago.

now i loveloveloveloveloveit. 

might even go buy myself a cow. 

Oh my God... I am so hungry... all I had today was 2 glasses of water to try to keep me full its not working...I'm cleaning my room and walking my dogs (at least 3 miles)  today because my dad wants to take me out to dinner because I've been avoiding him all week. I've been avoiding him all week because I don't want to eat with him. I already broke my water fast 2 days in a row because my bf force fed me. I just have to stay strong, drink lots of water, keep my body moving and keep my mind off of food...

random question time!! What is your favorite workout? one that doesnt use a machine like a treadmill or elliptical. cause i don't have that stuff. IDEAS PLEASE!!  much abliged