PrettyThin

Today was supposed to be a 100 cal day, and I completely blew it! 255 calories! I'm such a pig! Even though I did it for a reason, still!

I just wanted to prevent future suspicion. Because yesterday, the entire work out, I felt like I was going to faint and I got really dizzy. Usually I just keep it at 500. I guess I'm not used to restricting that much yet if I'm eating anything. It's just that if I fainted from dizziness, the coaches would call my parents. My parents would take me to the doctor (they might anyway because of the cold I've had since the middle of January). Since I weaseled my way out of it last time, I'd have to get blood work done.

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If I get bloodwork done and I don't know I'm going to get it done beforehand, I won't have time to load up on nutrients the day before so that they have time to spread through my blood stream. If I don't do that, they'll either (a) suspect Ana (b) suspect i'm anemic. But they'll definitely (c) investigate why I fainted and watch me like a hawk at meals.

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Either way I don't win because if I load up on calories, I probably won't have to go to the doctor. And I'll be wayyy over the daily limit and I'll have to fast for the next week to be pure again and THEN, I'll faint and I'll be completely fucked.

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Maybe I worry too much. Yesterday I was 244 calories under my daily limit and today I was only 155 over and most of that was one thing...what am I doing?! I can't justify this! I'm a pig and that's the end of it. The. End. Of. It.

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I still burned 1,303 calories, so that's :1,408 calorie defecit.

And I still lost 3 lbs of water weight. Still fat as ever at 121.

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Here's a break down of what my calories were today:

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Before Workout:

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3 cups of coffee w/ 2 tbsp of skim milk.......42 cal

1 small apple...............................................53 calories (my dad was watching me eat. Not eating anyting would draw suspicion)

granola protein bar......................................160 calories.

TOTAL (BW):..............................................255 calories

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After Workout:

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Water........................................................0 calories

More water.................................................still 0 calories

Boiled water..............................................0

TOTAL (AW)............................................a whopping total of.....you guessed it! ZERO.

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I think you see what I'm getting at here. I'm not eating anything now unless it's absolutely necessary to keep my parents off my back.

Tomorrow's a 200 day. Maybe tomorrow I'll eat half the protein bar (80 cal), the usual apple (53), and that'll be it. Besides maybe 1 coffee instead of the pig-like 3 I had today. 42 calories wasted. Ugh.

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Well, that's all I have to say today. I hope you had a better day than I did.

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xx

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Mia