PrettyThin

Swallow my pride

but I will never force down anything

I despise

for I love that toothbrush

that callused finger

and that hot sauce

the vinegar-

to make my mouth burn

I refuse to consume that piece of chocolate cake

don't you know how many calories are in that?

and what about water?

is it really calorie free?

tea, too, i know it has more than

zero

coffee, i do believe, has about 5

20 in the large cups

or at least that is what i believe

when was the last time i ate a meal

and loved it?

when was the last time i saw an apple and not

80 calories?

and when was the last time I ate pasta

or even sat down with my family?

when was the last time I did not care?

I don't even remember.

what did I use to think?

boys? friends? teenage dramas? stories? fantasies? books?

when was the last book I actually read to read, and not to waste time-

just to avoid eating?

when was the last time I was an actual human being

and not some living corpse?

when was the last time I smiled for more than one minute

before I was reminded that I had to work out

for two hours

minimum?

when was the last time I dreamed,

for I swear I haven't dreamnt in years.

when ws the last time I had hope

or prayed

when was the last time I believed in something-

believed in myself?

I don't think I ever have or at least,

I don't remember.

when was the last time I told my mom I loved her

or dad I loved him

or even called my grandma, the one I used beg to go see?

when was the last time I thought of another?

I don't even remember.