PrettyThin

I tried to let my friends know what I was doing. I tried to tell them that I WANT to do this. I tried to include them so they wouldn't have to worry about me. But they won't they just sit there and judge me...so I told them that I wasn't going to...I told them that after my fast I would stop dietingI would say goodbye to Ana. But no I'm not....I know that I'm not. I feel bad because I don't want them to worry but I guess I learned. I REALLY REALLY wanted to include them but they are trying to stop me and control my fucking life. Honestly, I AM GOING TO DO WHAT THE FUCK I WANT IT'S MY FUCKING BODY. I know they aren't trying to be mean or cruel or rude or judgemental but I can't deal with it so I am just going to lie. I guess I have to lie to everyone. I have to hurt everyone I care about and do it with a smile so they don't know. I feel bad but it's my body and it doesn't look the way that I want it to and I will do whatever is necessary to get it the way that I want it.....  I just don't know what to do I guess that I have to just deal with it. And I will.