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All bones...

Posted by Merymeyew on February 3, 2012 at 10:20 AM

I am so tired of this costant battle in myself. One moment I am too thin, one moment I am just right, another moment I am too fat and not thin enough... I can't decide where my head is at! Right now I am having a fat moment.

I see these bones forming and it disgusts me but when I see that number go down on the scales... it feels as though all other accomplishments pale in comparison! I have to keep telling myself that 50kg is not a high number, that it is a good place to be. But 49kg will always be better... and then 48kg...

I am fed up of having to buy new belts and new clothes... nothing fits right anymore! All those clothes that used to fit me perfectly, that made me look womanly, now just fall off. Where did all my feminine curves go?

One day...

Categories: Random Thoughts

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3 Comments

Reply Kintara Shinomi

12:07 PM on February 03, 2012

Perhaps you're starting to want to change this? You seem at a very confused place right now, & it's hard to tell if you're at that place yet, but it sounds like you're getting there, & that's the first step. I hope you find the strength to stop, take a step back & see what this is doing to you, & turn around & climb back up & out of this illness 'cause it's possible. It will be an uphill struggle, & losing control over your eating habits & weight will scare you at first, but you CAN do it. It's never too late to take back your health & your life. You can get your beautiful curves back, & it doesn't mean you'll be fat. 110lbs is probably a very low weight for you if you've lost your curves. I am rather short with a rather petite frame, so 110lbs (50kg) is a GOOD, healthy, but slim, weight for ME, but for YOU, it sounds too low.

Sexiness isn't about the numbers on the scale or the label of your clothes. It's about how healthy you are & how well you take care of yourself. REAL men who will respect you for who you are don't care about what size your jeans are. They care that you are happy & healthy. The magazines lie. Those girls are dying. They have to wear flippers 'cause they're losing teeth. They have to wear wigs 'cause they're losing their hair. They have to wear fake nails 'cause their real ones are splitting & peeling away from their nail beds. You can't see the bags under their eyes & dark circles around their eyes through their make-up, airbrushing & photoshop, but they're there. You can't see the way their bones jut out through the airbrushing & photoshop, but it isn't pretty. It's all an illusion, & it's disgusting because it tricks women into thinking they have to look like that to be beautiful. What's worse is that some men actually think that's what a beautiful woman is supposed to look like, too, but those men who listen to the media are usually just as big of jerks as the media.

Everyone has insecurities, & everyone has problems. I'm not judging you, but I do worry about you if you choose to ignore the scary truths about what's going on in your life. I don't know why you do what you do. Each person has their own reasons. I just hope you can figure out a better thing to do for that same reason & stop feeling like you need this because you really don't, & you don't have to feel this way.

Reply Merymeyew

12:58 PM on February 03, 2012

Thank you Shinomi for putting in the effort to reply to me like that. I don't think I actually have a full-on ED but I definately have disfunctional thoughts about food... I am going to try and get myself back into a healthy routine.

Reply Kintara Shinomi

11:51 PM on February 04, 2012

I'm glad to hear that.

You can do it!

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