PrettyThin

i swear its so scary...please dont laugh. Yes I am having like an anxiety fit over food. my mum is making us these traditional pork buns as its a holiday today. specifically asking me what I wanted & making me a vegetarian one just for me. But even that is freaking me out because the carbload is crazy. they're probably like 100 cals each AT LEAST. & Im just thinking about all the lettuce and cucumbers and celery i could hav eaten for 100 calories...there is NO WAY i am ingesting 100 cals from a freaking carbloaded steamed bun.  but i think she will also be hurt if i didnt eat the pork buns because she made so many & hand making each & every single 1. I just dont know what to do...i have a feeling she's going to prompt me to eat just 1. but just thinking about the meat is like grossing me out, i just keep imagining like maggots crawling out of it or something. i am terrified over here. i mean i cud just take 1 bite & she wud be happy. But even 1 bite is scary. Its not abt the calories. I mean I can eat 100 cals from an apple perfectly fine. But idk why...when its not a fruit/veggie I just dnt want to eat it. rly dont want to eat it....sigh...i cud put it in my mouth and spit it out into napkins as well...i dnt think she wud notice but i just feel so awful if i did that because its all her effort and hard work and time into making the food....oh lord pls help me...i think ill go for an hour run to settle my nerves...figure it out when i get back and its dinner time...and even if i have to eat it i wont feel so bad.