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I went under the knife today, my NEDA scarification...
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The first time I purged was the late winter of 2008, because I had just eaten grits and my now EX told me I would get fat, and that I would look nice if I was only 15 lbs lighter.
The last time I puked was this morning from eating an apple and a piece of bread.
Instead of going for help again, or signing another stupid promise to myself, or promising recovery to someone else, I've decided to do something permanent that I cannot escape.
Today I walked into my favorite body modification studio, nodded at the owner, and prepared myself for one of the most agonizing, but well-worth-it 30 minutes of my life.
I cannot look in the mirror naked now, without seeing this, and remembering the pain that I went through for recovery. I will get better.
This will one day soon be a pernanent scar. It is a symbol and REAL promise to myself and anyone else who gets close enough that I will be okay one day. I'm hoping that by the time this scarification fades, my eating disorder will have as well. It will not fade fully, but neither will bulimia.
Thanks for listening.
Categories: Modifications, Tattoos, My Story
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5 Comments
i think the way you look at it (that a scar never truly goes away, but neither does an ED) it actually a really interesting and beautiful way of thinking about something like that.
stay safe and stay strong.
xoxo
FelictiyAnn88 says...
wow, i've never heard of a tattoo-scar before. interesting....
i think the way you look at it (that a scar never truly goes away, but neither does an ED) it actually a really interesting and beautiful way of thinking about something like that.
stay safe and stay strong.
xoxo
Scarification is a really beautiful thing, look up ScarWars some time, they are my favorite body mod team. And thank you, that's exactly what I was thinking, my friend sitting in on it just thought it was gross,
Wishing the same to you, xxoo.
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