PrettyThin

I don't know where to begin.

    I don't know how this came to be, where it all started. All I know is that I'm shocked more people, girls especially, haven't become the way I have.         Every day, every hour, every minute, everywhere I turn there are thin people. On tv, all the girls are perfect figured. Smooth curves, thighs that never touch, always a smile painted onto their perfect porcelain doll faces. In magazines, there they are, posed like a barbie, their picture of beauty forever frozen in time. There those people are. On the internet, outside in real life, in pictures and drawings and immortalized in words on the page of books.
They always look happy. Happy, euphoric, ecstatic. Whatever you want to call it. They look thin and beautiful and happy, and it makes me think; If I'm that tiny, will I then finally be thin and beautiful and happy, too?"
    The answer, I've found, is no. No, you're never going to think you're think enough. No, you'll never see yourself as beautiful. And you sure as hell won't be happy, not really. Not when your stomach is screaming at you, begging you to fill it with SOMETHING. Not when you have sharp stinging pins and needles in your fingers and toes, when you feel so dizzy that the only way to prevent passing out is to lie on the floor for hours, losing track of time. You won't be happy when your head feels cloudy and your body feels heavy and weak.
    But we do it anyways. We fight through the pain and the dizziness and the weakness and the hunger in the hope that there's something. Something more. Yes, we're vain. We're searching for beauty. But we're looking for more than just that. We want acceptance. We want to feel loved and special. We want to feel important, and we want to feel the light in the world.

   I don't mean to generalize all those with these issues by saying 'we'. I apologize if it offends.

    I've experienced all of that. All of that and more. And it's a lot, for a person my age. No one should have to deal with it, I would never wish it on a single soul. But Prettythin has helped me through a lot, I have to say. The people in the community have helped me through binges, when I have eaten until tears streamed down my face and I've hated myself so much. PT has helped me through my cutting, through my panic and anxiety, through my thoughts of suicide. They're always been there, no matter what. I've met so many great people there, and I love it. I honestly don't know what I'd do without this anonymous family.

    I really have no clue what I'm trying to say with this email, with this letter. But I guess it's just a loud, anonymous thank you. Thank you, Prettythin, for being there for me. No, wait, let me fix that - thank you, all those beautiful men and women and people out there, who have taken time out of this limited span that we have to care and to pay attention to another drifting soul out there. You are the ones who have helped me see the beauty in the smallest things in the world. You are the ones that give me hope, truly. So, there's really just two words that I can say to sum up this entire piece of writing:

    Thank you.