PrettyThin

I'm back in the States! Regular internet access, a normal bathroom, an actual bed to sleep on! It's been a long time since I had some of these simple comforts, and a long time since I've needed more than a t-shirt and a pair of Keens. It is great to be back, and I'm going to make good use of the next two months before I fly back out - I already have my tickets to Germany in March :-)

I experienced the most amazing thing flying back. The plane took off in Moscow and rose into the orange and yellow and red and pink clouds of sunrise. The plane was following the sun across the Atlantic along a northern route, and as the metal monster defied reason and floated weightlessly above the clouds, I watched the sun rise for seven hours straight; an endless sun rise where the tip of the sun gleamed at the edge of an infinite expanse of rolling clouds. We eventually started traveling back south from Greenland toward New York City and I experienced one hour of daylight before the sun began to set; the sky exploding again in intense contrasts where blue and red and light and shadow battled and embraced.

First order of business is to go find the material for the bracelets. I'm doing that right after I finish this message and finish my cup of coffee. Then I'll start making them again with a slight design modification (I'm getting a little creative, but not too creative).  I also have to refund a few people which I couldn't manage to do while away, so for those who have been waiting, that will happen today. I called PayPal this morning and have that mess sorted out too.

After that, there is a nice long list of things to do. And there are a lot of messages and emails to reply to, but don't worry about writing me; among the happiest moments of my day are when people write and share their lives and stories. Thank you to all that have and do, and I'm sorry for being behind on writing back.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. I want to thank each one of you for making PrettyThin what it is; without you, it would be nothing. Thank you, each one of you, for being who you are.

Stay Beautiful,
James  |  www.facebook.com/xorrox

It's been a long time, and though I would like to apologize, I've been with the bedouins in the mountains of Arabia and there isn't much wi-fi in the tents among the sheep and goats. Considering the subject of this post I guess it's fair to say that yes, this part is actually true. I've been working on trying to solve another bigger problem which I have lost some sleep over and have been stressing out about until recently - the fact that someone stole all the Unity bracelets I had made and how I'm once again in search of material. I recently decided after so many failures in searching to just wait till I return to the Western world and find craftier shops with more material. These bracelets will get made if it means the end of me.

RUMORS! Fish Nuts! They seem to be going around, again. Nothing like the gift of jealousy around the holiday season, though I don't know why anyone would be jealous. Like running a support group of a community is something to compete aver. Ooooooh......you're winning.....whatever will we do!

The funniest was that PrettyThin is a government monitored website, and that the identity of people who use this site will somehow be revealed and they will get in trouble for.....hmm...this is the part that throws me. Get in trouble for...having an eating disorder? Get in trouble for talking about things in a forum? For looking at pictures that are in magazines at any bookstore, or....I guess I don't quite know what. Maybe it's just me but I think the government has more important things to do - not that we here a PT are not important, considering people are spreading rumors about the community makes it seem PrettyImportant indeed - but I would venture a guess that the only people obsessed with PT or monitoring it are those spreading rumors about it. There are SO many ways on so many levels I could talk about how this is just stupid/insane/ridiculous, but it would be like me trying to convince you that purple elephants don't cause athletes foot. It's just that ridiculous it confuzzles me.

Another rumor was that I would somehow get in a ton of trouble once I finish my travels and return back to America. Well, for those worried about PT, don't worry, because if anything were to happen, they (whoever they are) would close PT before trying to throw me in jail and well, PrettyThin seems to be online right now. They would probably also contact me first unless I was involved in some outlandish illegal activity, which I don't think running PT is. Should for some reason I end up behind bars, well, then I guess I'll be doing updates from there :-) Might make for some good stories. But don't worry; I really doubt I'm in any legal trouble; I'm just not one to get involved in much illegal activity outside driving too fast, and I don't even own a car anymore.

 One rumor that is true is that PrettyThin is the final an ultimate act of the Illuminti striving to take over the world. Once PrettyThin has brainwashed all members completely, it will arm them with feathers and send them out to tickle the world into submission so that they will do our will. This is the final stage before the alien race who built the pyramids of Egypt come back to earth and use us a beautician, the only true profession for a galactic empire.

Man, people be crazy...

Stay Beautiful,
James | www.facebook.com/xorrox

Many members have blogs of their own, and I have started posting links to them on a Member's Blogs page. You can find the link for that page under the Member's Area section.

Initially they were all going into one long list, but I would love to break them up into more groups. I hope this encourages more variety in the kinds of blogs coming in. I have not come across a non-ana or mia blog (yet), but I am hoping to encourage you to post your personal (not to say those are not personal, but you know what I mean) blogs as well. You will see mine is listed at the top of the page, but help drop me out of the top by submitting your own blogs and sites :-)

There is a place to post your blog - in the General Discussion of the forum. I will be adding them slowly, daily, and hope to be caught up soon.

I have also been reading the discussions on pro-ana, what PrettyThin is really all about rather than what I wrote, and the term "wannarexic," and will be writing my understanding of that discussion soon as well.

For those who have written me recently, I am sorry if I am slow to reply. I am on the move again, and though I am obviously connected to the internet, there is only so much time and so many random things to do. My apologies.

Stay Beautiful,
James

Support a Member: A PT member contacted me and asked if I could help her with a competition. Sure! Please take a second to vote for Elisha by clicking this link.

Do you want the community to support you in something? Send me a note. Those who want to be a part can; those who don't, well, just don't click.

Now, a personal statement...
This week there have been questions regarding what PrettyThin is all about, and among them the most controversial was about PrettyThin being pro-ana.

I've done the regular searches and come upon the a plethora of misinformation that exists out there, realizing that the words is defined in many ways.

In the past, much of the drama and disagreements that have existed on this site have had to do with terms. Remember the madness when I said this site does not support bulimics about a year ago? My own ignorance could not have shown more...

I remember the first time I heard the term wannarexic, not knowing that even within ana communities, finger pointing and judging existed. Again, how naive I was. It is only recently that all this is coming together for me, and though I often stand aside and mostly silent, feeling like I am the only one who does NOT belong on this site, I also often feel a daily struggle with my intentions and actions as the site owner. So, I'm stepping up and making my statement; feel free to raise your rifles and take aim, but don't shoot yet...give me a moment.

PrettyThin was intended as a place where those who hide amongst their friends and family a thing which defines so much of their lives can find a community that can understand them. I never anticipated any drama at all. I also didn't anticipate any complexity. But when you bring so many people from so many different backgrounds with so many different opinions together, disagreements are bound to arise. Create a family and you often create such a deep comfort and connectivity that you also create a comfort within which they also find release of their anxiety and anger.

I often think that is what family is all about - a group of people with whom we feel comfortable taking out your frustrations. But it is also the place where you should be able to ask the questions you fear to ask anywhere else. PrettyThin is a live-and-let-live community for those with an ED, but to me, it should be a live-and-let-live among those who wish to be here. Who am I to judge who belongs? I've done it in the past, and have been very wrong. And ask yourselves, do I belong? (I don't mean you, I mean me; but I guess this works on multiple levels).

Wannarexics? My question of those who use that term is "what is it that you are trying so hard to be that others can't compare?" Anorexic?

There is a sonnet from Shakespeare that I have found myself quoting often in the past two weeks (one part in particular):

For why should others false adulterate eyes
Give salutation to my sportive blood?
Or on my frailties why are frailer spies,
Which in their wills count bad what I think good?
No, I am that I am, and they that level
At my abuses reckon up their own:
I may be straight, though they themselves be bevel;

I think it fits really well here...

Yes, PrettyThin is Pro-Ana. What this means is not that it promotes anorexia. What this means is that it supports those who relate to anorexia within their lives. I'm using anorexia as a very loose term to encompass far more than the clinical definition by the way. PT does not suppress ana. It does not seek to be ashamed of it or of ourselves. It does not fear being known for it. Ana cannot be swept under the carpet as something to be forgotten about, nor should it be looked at as a plague upon the world. You should not feel that you are a mental case and should become a mental patient just for having questions, or for having struggles. PrettyThin is here to support you, and as long as I'm a part of it, it will remain to do so.

But....PrettyThin, in its manifestation, in its incarnation, is what you make of it. The words spoken to one another are your words. The drama, the support, the love, the hate, the connections, the distance - it is all coming through your words toward one another. What will you make it?

In my daily life, I do not hide my affiliation with the group. Each person I talk to - it's the same thing. The same questions, the same notions, the same biases and disinformation. Even the same disagreements. Each conversation, however, leaves me with questions that allow me to grow and hopefully contribute within this community, but also leaves them with an understanding that they did not have before. Through that, maybe they too will approach the discussion differently in the future. Through that, maybe their next conversation will be different as well...

So what is PrettyThin? It's a place for you, but it is also a place by you. Who are "you?" You tell me...
If you feel like you belong here, then as far as I'm concerned you do, with one exception.You will belong here so long as you have the same intentions for everyone else; not to take, but to give; not to bring about negativity, but to foster friendship and support.

Last night, I received another message from the last member (not worth naming) that was banned from this site. Her intentions were the same. My question to her was simple: "why do you only wish to create a negative environment within the community?" Those are the only people who are not welcome here; those with selfish intent.

Okay, so that is my rant. Now it's your turn :-)

Stay Beautiful,
James
www.facebook.com/xorrox

I found the posts in the forum and decided to post some links on the homepage. Seems like celebrity ED is becoming the flavor of the week in the news. I'm sure this too will pass, then return, then pass again in time. But for now:

Portia DeRoss

YouTube Link to recent interviews

Article, I wonder how she would be received if she posted something like this in the forum, or what kind of member she would be were she active.

An article yesterday by CNN.

I personally don't know anything about her; it's been a while since I've been on the Disney Channel, but some may know her.

She seems to have a slightly different experience than DeRossi.

To some, this may not be news. To me, it was.

I stumbled upon an article that was written nearly two months ago about Lady Gaga's possible eating disorder. My first thought was "what an opportunity!" Someone as outspoken as Gaga could open up a discussion about EDs in a way that few others can. Being a social icon somehow allows you to wield a sword that few others dare or can. I think that the public discussion on EDs is negative and often misguided, forcing many like those who are members of PrettyThin to seek refuge underground. But then I thought about how I am just as, if not more susceptible to misguided intentions as anyone. I'm curious what the community thinks.

Stories about celebrities with eating disorders are nothing new. The way in which they respond to it - or the lack of response to it - is what disturbs me most. The way in which both the individuals react and the way the public reacts to it is what I find so hard to grasp. When an individual has any desire which may (let's make this easier) bring them to PrettyThin, what is it that they are responding to?

I grapple with this because although it is your desire to have a more hidden community; a more private community; a sanctuary in a way; I wonder if the desire for privacy is one of desire of necessity? Should you feel that you have to stay hidden? or wore, embarrassed for the way you are?

Is Lady Gaga (allegedly) fasting out of a response to a public demand for a certain appearance that is identified with to define beauty?

Is there a difference between the "disorder" such that some may display symptoms due to public pressure without having the disorder?

Does a larger group of our population have the disorder than are willing to admit because of the way the public would react to it, or is the desire to keep it hidden independent of what others might think?

...you see where I'm going with this...

If it is about a public image, then what does that say about a public that condemns PrettyThin while setting a definition of beauty that they condone pursuing within certain defined parameters?

And if it is not about public image and is more about personal desires, then what is that "thing" which is not so uncommon that we still try to hide and are so ashamed of?
Why is it that we find ourselves as a community in hiding?

As those who are veterans of the site know, I have much to learn about eating disorders myself. I am a product of society where my understanding of the topic was tied very closely to thoughts such as "don't they know it's bad for them? Don't they know it can kill them? Don't they know they are already so beautiful?" If this is how I, the owner of PT used to think, then how do others think?

I guess I know what they think - to an extent anyway - I get a lot of their hate mail - but my question is "why?" Shouldn't it be another way?

I turn to you as I do with all things to help answer this question (in the forums).

Stay Beautiful,
James

www.facebook.com/xorrox

Updates are happening more often, so I figured it was time to archive the homepages and make new ones every month. You can find the history of all the old ones by hovering over the PrettyThin link on the left.

I am still in search of books that can be made available for free in the Books section (link on the right). The ones that are there now are available online for free download, which is not often the case. You will see in that section that there is a mention of a PrettyThin monthly magazine which will be available on December 1 for free download. The goal is to make one every month, and at the end of every 4 months, create a printable hardbound copy for purchase by those who want it.

I have also been asked to make PrettyThin mobile. I have started a discussion with a couple iPhone/iPad developers to make this possible. There are going to be limitations because of the editing tools available by the host, but I will see what is possible. I will start with iPhone and then see what can be done for other platforms, but it needs to be built for each individually, which basically comes down to cost. I will try to make this available for free - the site itself is always going to be free - but the mobile app might not be. It all comes down to how much it is going to cost to make it happen. And obviously, you don't have to use it if you don't want...

I am also looking at re-opening the Member Photos section so that people can upload images. There will have to be some restrictions this time, both in terms of the number of images any one individual can upload, and in terms of content. It's going to be an odd pre-requisite to say "you can't be laying on your back, sucking in your belly, or wearing underwear" but based on the past, it may be along those lines. Or more practically, it will just be moderated more, and images altered more. Something along the lines of "upload all you want, but every week, the top ten will be selected to stay and the rest will be deleted. I'm still not sure how to go about this, but I'm sure we'll figure it out.

There is more to announce, but it is along the lines of everything above. They are announcements announcing future announcements, so I'll just wait till it's time to actually announce, rather than announce the anticipation of....wow, that was a lot of announcements.

Stay Beautiful,
James - www.facebook.com/xorrox

PrettyThin is the largest community for people with an eating disorder. Over the past four or so years, we have had many debates and discussions about who belongs here. At one point, this site was not pro-ana but now it claims that it is; at one time, we did not welcome bulimics and then came to realize how ridiculous that was. We have had sections where members could upload pictures, and then removed those over time.

So what exactly is PrettyThin?
PrettyThin is pro-ana, but maybe not in the way you think of it. Here is how one member described it.

PrettyThin is probably the largest pro-ana community that exists, but we support ana in a way that other sites do not. Is it a disorder you struggle with? Is it something you"aspire" to? Is Ana a voice, like a person in your mind or in your heart? Is "she" your constant companion? Here at PT, we don't tell you what to think or how to define it. PrettyThin is a live-and-let-live among pro-ana websites. How you define your reality today may not be how you defined it yesterday, or how you might define it tomorrow. You have your own journey, as we all do. And you are welcome to take that journey here. Among members who will understand; among members who have been there or are there; among members who themselves have grown and changed in their lives, some of it here on PrettyThin.

The thinspo you find on this site is here because some people desire it. Why do you want to look at images such as these? That's up to you to decide. We do NOT put reverse thinspo on this site. Thinspiration sections are updated regularly, but what makes this the most vibrant of all pro-ana sites is the forums. Discuss how you feel about anything you like, but keep in mind that just as you have your opinion, so does everyone else. Bringing a torch into a tent is not the best way to make yourself visible. Don't set the house ablaze. Be comfortable telling people how you feel, but do so respectfully.

Welcome to PrettyThin...