PrettyThin

It’s hard, hard not to sit on your hands
And bury your head in the sand
Hard not to make other plans
And claim that you’ve done all you can all along
And life must go on
It’s hard, hard to stand up for what’s right
And bring home the bacon each night
Hard not to break down and cry
When every idea that you’ve tried has been wrong
But you must go on

It’s hard but you know it’s worth the fight
'Cause you know you’ve got the truth on your side
When the accusations fly, hold tight
Don’t be afraid of what they’ll say
Who cares what cowards think, anyway
They will understand one day, one day

It’s hard, hard when you’re here all alone
And everyone else has gone home
Harder to know right from wrong
When all objectivities gone
And it’s gone
But you still carry on
'Cause you, you are the only one left
And you’ve got to clean up the mess
You know you’ll end like the rest
Bitter and twisted, unless
You stay strong and you carry on

It’s hard but you know it’s worth the fight
'Cause you know you’ve got the truth on your side
When the accusations fly, hold tight
Don’t be afraid of what they’ll say
Who cares what cowards think, anyway
They will understand one day, one day

(check out my favorite playlist on YouTube)

Wanna support PrettyThin?

I get a lot of messages about PrettyThin. I often hear what people think about this community, both good and about; about what they think it should become or how awful they think it is; about how much they love it and how wonderful it is. We even have the testimonials section so I really do know (on the positive side) what the site means to them.

But what you don't hear is what PT, and you, mean to me.

For those who remember this site about 4 years ago, you remember it as a journal and tribute to a pro-ana lifestyle. About three years ago, a couple months after I took over, the site started accepting memberships, and it's about that same time that the forums and blogs (Your Thoughts) came into being. You also saw the Member Photos come, and go, then return only to be removed once more. (The new Member photos section is available under the new format - I'll update a page of it today).

We asked many questions here: should boys be allowed to join as members, or should we make people check a box when creating accounts to state that they understand this is a site about eating disorders and not dieting. We spoke about mia and how I (yup, me) said that it was not allowed on our site, and you guys all corrected my understanding of it as an ED just like anorexia. We spoke about this site being pro-ana, about what pro-ana means in a traditional sense, and how this site (and you!) have changed what it means because we choose to.

This site has evolved, quite a bit. I know that through it's history, I have evolved as well. Many people thank me "for what (I) do" with PrettyThin. Well, I really don't do anything. I update a picture here and there, I make a change or write more than I should on the homepage, and I pay the bills (but even that is from your contributions). PrettyThin is truly what you, the members of this awesome community, have made it. Every thank you should be directed to you. You have made PrettyThin the community of support and understanding that you appreciate. And it wouldn't be what it is if you were not who you were. Sure, our lives are filled with trials and hurt and darkness and madness - we're not saying we're thankful for them, but they're there...and we choose to seek comfort and peace despite it, maybe even somehow through it.

Thank you, for being you....

 Me, I need to thank you as well, on a personal, non-PT level. With all the people who have interacted with me, I have grown to realize something within myself. I am working toward bettering myself as an individual. Along my journey I will try practicing and better understanding ways of living a more happy and fulfilling life, and doing so in such a way that I can transfer the practice to others. I have been practicing Life Coaching, and have you to thank for that evolution in myself. So once again, thank you.

PrettyThin is here because people need it to be. Not to affirm the things they do, but to support the person behind the habits and within their struggle. It's just part of the human condition - we are creatures of habit; we are all part of the human struggle. And we all need a place to be understood by others who have been or are where we are.

Stay Beautiful, just as you are,
James

Want to Support PrettyThin? No, not with money. Check out ways you could support PT in just 5 minutes :-)

 I had a couple problems with the article and interview I am linking to, but I realize that I'm coming at this from another perspective.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/crystal-renn-addresses-her-weight-loss-and-maintaining-plus-size-model-status-2451632/

The video isn't what I thought it would be: she talks about her first experience as a model and how she moved up into the grander echelons of modeling, and then starts to talk about her ED.

 
One thing that struck me is that she blamed one group of people (the modeling industry in her early years) for her anorexia, and another group (we, the people) for her tendency to desire to binge. I often found the tone here on PrettyThin very different. People have their ups and downs, have things they can look to and even point to directly for their eating disorder, but I don't think many say "it was them that made me be this way." Most people here say "it's me..."

This was my perception, but that does not mean it is so. Sometimes people need things spelled out to them. So if anyone has a perspective on this, share and I will try do so with the community.

Stay Beautiful, just as you are,
James  |   Facebook  (if you friend me, do so with real profiles only please)
I am currently studying Life Coaching, meditation, yoga, and Reiki. I am also studying conflict resolution. I have a fan page that I hope to use someday to promote what I do. Become a fan if you want to help.

 (If you write a testimonial on the page, please do not include PT at this time)

IF YOU HAVE A FAKE FB PROFILE
I don't really condone fake profiles, but they do exist. I get friend requests from them often and turn them down when I recognize them. But in that they exist I am trying to understand the purpose. Maybe it's easier to have Facebook on your monitor than PT; I don't know. I figure having this will be a learning experience. Let's see where it goes...

My head is spinning. I'm sitting at a Borders, my head down, listening to the chatter of those around me in the cafe. I remember walking through the isles on my way to ordering tea and a peanut butter and jelly doughnut, and seeing people sitting on the floor reading books in the Business section, the Kids section, the Fitness section. I'm sitting under a sign of Suzanne Somers smiling her huge smile on the cover of her book "Sexy Forever - How to Fight Fat after Forty." It makes me think how much diet and exercise and fat and sexy consumes so much of our society.

And here we are, on PrettyThin, the pro-ana or pro-support or pro-recover or pro-you or let-and-let-live site among ana sites - whatever you want to call it, it's still PT - where someone or something, society or parents or an event or our minds have brought us to a point of being consumed rather than being the consumer of all that's "thin."

We all struggle. For one reason or another, we all find ourselves swimming against the current from time to time. Sometimes it feels like all we do is swim against it to the point that we question if there is a current at all. Maybe life is just one rapid after another; we take our moments of rest between the white water, but how often do we float on our backs and let the sun shine down and warm us, caress us, touch us.

I've never read any of Suzanne's books, and don't think I'll be reading this one. But I assume staying sexy was something she had to deal with her entire life. Being a model on one of the most watched game shows (I wonder if anyone other than me remembers her role in Three's Company) I remember reading once how she was asked to lose some weight before the following season. Maybe that's just a rumor, maybe not, but the kind of interaction between a public figure and their boss is not unimaginable.

And then when the pressure of the employer is gone? When the model no longer has to be thin for the runway or the set or the role....what remains? How far into our lives do we carry the notion that our acceptance and the appreciation of others of our being relies on the way we look?

I woke up this morning and looked at a tattered long-sleeve shirt I have had for years and years. It's been worn with tender roughness and much love, so it's one of those things I can't toss so easily. But as I was dressing I thought "what am I presenting to the world today?" The people passing by won't ever know me, and most of them won't even see me walking by. But the few that do - those souls that share their fate on a metro train with me - who will they feel like they're sitting by? Who am I in their eyes?

I often wonder if it matters. It's green and spiritual and hippie and connected to think "what does it matter what others think." Though I ascribe to that notion it's never so easy to do so fully. And if not "them" then what about me? There is the external me, the one I see in the mirror, and then there is the internal and true me: the one who does the seeing. What is it that I see? Which one among us can say that that doesn't matter...

So who am I today?
One of the freakiest things I have ever done is stand really close to a mirror and stare right into my own eyes. Look at the details of your iris. Look at the little cracks and grooves and multitude of colors that make up your eye color. And then look into the darkness, peering into the hole in the center of your eye. Look into yourself - beyond yourself. For me, it's always been a scary thing to do. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of what I may see.

Sexy? Not this guy. My struggles are elsewhere. My goal is to find peace in the rapids, and to find a way to float even among the white waters. The sun will touch me with it's warm caress. For this is my life, and I'm going to tear it up. How about you?

Stay Beautiful, just the way you are, my friends along this journey of life.
James  |   Facebook (only real profiles please).
Want to learn more about PT and its history?

PrettyThin is the worlds largest community for those with eating disorders. "We do not support anorexia. We support the individual with the disorder. We do not encourage one behavior or another, but are willing to listen, share, and support one another with whatever decision each of us wish to make. We know that out habits are not good for us; we not understand that we're not alone, and it's okay to be who we are. We do not wish to be patients of a mental disorder. We wish to be people who don't have to be ashamed and alone any more.  We have each other at PrettyThin."

- anonymous member